You may have wondered why there is a shih-tzu in the picture of Alec in an earlier entry above. She's called Misty and she's here on holiday while her folks are away. There's a bit of a story....
I find myself saying the words of the title quite a bit when helping people learn to train their dogs. More often at the start of the process but by the time they are happy, I am happy not to have to say it anymore because they have got my message. It isn't about them - it is about the dog. I had to learn this too.
What I mean by this is that they must learn to understand their dog and to make their dog's needs as a dog central, not their own. The dog didn't and couldn't choose to become theirs and dogs cannot 'understand' us; it is up to us to look at things from their perspective. To put them first as dogs and respect them as dogs.
Most people want dogs to learn specific behaviours and to behave in certain ways but unless we bridge the gap between them and our dog's means of learning them we will remain frustrated and despairing.
If a dog cannot do something then it isn't the dog that is failing: it is the owner who hasn't trained it properly (thereby enabling the dog to be successful in the learning of it). This sentiment is bandied about rather a lot and most people understand what it means but not nearly as many are prepared to make changes in themselves (attitude/aptitude/values) or their training approaches to help their dogs. Without that change within, there is no change without.
A case in point it the arrival of Misty in my classes back in the autumn.
Teaching 13-18 year olds in a mixed state comprehensive brings its own challenges. Hormones and problems and pressures + that particular age group = plenty of them. It's 'mood city'. Outbursts, aggravating behaviour and an inability to use the good manners they know exist are expected at least occasionally. It's an age thing. They are teenagers. It's not an excuse but they will grow out of it sometime. Anglo-Saxon isn't yet the norm between teachers and students but the words are used to rile and subvert. These long honed skills of 'being the adult' in the face of quite provoking behaviour can sometimes come in handy in my hobby job!
Teaching adults that have chosen (as opposed to being in compulsory education) to come along and learn (although the occasional very well behaved teenager does join us now and again) means I don't, as a rule, have to deal with rudeness. Most adults know that strops are not adult behaviour. That's not to say adults don't have 'moments' when the child within erupts! They do, but most often they realise that's what they have done and apologise. The people who can't even do that can't be helped.
People drop out of training for all kinds of reasons. Family and work commitments and other problems that there is little control over. I do know that some have dropped out because it it patently obvious that there are no quick fixes or that I do not allow pushing, shoving, shaking, shouting or hitting, or that I do not have a magic wand to wave to ensure an effort free process. They go quietly, and that's fine! (well it isn't fine, but as I say, not everyone wants to make those changes in themselves - they want the dog to bend to them)
So when a lady turned up and shouted at me in the car park of the hall that 'she HAD to be able to come to my dog training and that if she didn't it would be all my fault that she would have to give her dog away etcetc' (in front of everyone else coming in) I was quite stunned. I didn't even know her name. The formalities of a phone call to enquire about the classes had been omitted. It turned out that she had a 1 year old shih-tzu (see above) and had done absolutely no training and was now at the tearing her (own) hair out stage of desperation. She was adamant the dog had to go. We 'went round the houses' quickly to put her under a bit of pressure to argue her case whilst I evaluated whether she would bottle out or be able to turn the dog around. Having decided the latter (keeping fingers crossed) I told her I'd give her a chance. In she came.
To say she feels mortified by her rudeness is an understatement. She reminds me and the others (including anyone new who comes along!) of it regularly and apologises everytime. I laugh about it now because she is another person who has learned at least a little bit that it is all about the dog rather than about her. And to her credit she and her family have gone away to teach their dog to have fun with them and that learning and doing things with them is fun and rewarding. Little dog is much happier and so are they. The fact that Misty has settled in so well here and been a lot of fun to have around is testimony to their determination to see things through. They just need to trust their training now!
You might think this lady's behaviour was intolerable but rudeness borne of desperation I can understand. I will always want to help the dogs and to do that I need to have people who are prepared to learn how to help their dog! If they are as desperate as this lady was then they might be ready to learn. So I am more than happy to give them a chance, build them up when they hit brick walls of incomprehension (theirs and their dog's) and rejoice with them when it comes good.
Thankfully the overwhelming majority of people I have had the good fortune to get to know by helping them through a sticky time or issue with their dogs have ended up falling in love with their dog again. And while it is always nice to be appreciated, anybody who helps people with their animals knows that it is those who go away and do the work that do the best. And it is very satisfying when they tell you it works :)
When Misty's owners asked back in February if I knew of somewhere she could stay while they went on holiday I couldn't think of a good reason why she shouldn't come here! Not sure Nellie and Archie were happy initially but they have accepted her and she is enjoying being one of the gang out on our walks and all the other places we have ended up.
She's had longer walks with my dogs than she is used to but at 18 months and bursting with energy she has loved walking for anything between one and two hours each day on the more level terrains we like to go to. And although we took our time (5 hours!) to walk the five miles with Alec on Sunday - we stopped for an hour of that in a pub garden and stopped several other times along the way just to sit in the shade and look at the views or while the boys attempted to climb trees (!)- she (and Al) enjoyed it. She still wanted to nick, and charge around with, all Nellie's toys as soon as we got back! Haven't taken her to the rockier places (did think about it) as that is asking a lot of her but have made sure her pads are exposed to gritty tracks over the last two weeeks on a regular basis, because she is coming to Snowdonia at the weekend. We'll pop her into Iain's rucksack quite a lot, stop quite a bit and take our time and give her a lot of underarm carries over what will be for her quite challenging bits.
Having looked at shih-tzu websites it isn't clear just how much exercise they need. Some say they are indoor dogs (!) and some say they are busy active high energy dogs that love to be outdoors and going on pack walks......I do know from two other shih-tzus that come to my training and who have joined us on our social walks that they are proper outdoor dogs (given the right opportunities)and that they do have quite a lot of stamina and energy..she certainly seems the same, she never stops. She makes Nellie look like a couch potato at times!
She's snoring blissfully beneath my kneeling stool as I type this.
She likes mud, almost as much as Pop used to.
Nellie's her hero:
And in return Nellie nicks her crate.....
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